It's Okay to Fail
Embracing Failure: Turning Setbacks into Comebacks
A while ago, I read a book called A Setback Is a Setup for a Comeback by Willie Jolley. This book changed the way I view failure. It reminded me that failure isn’t the end, it’s the beginning of something new. There comes a moment in every woman’s life when the road ahead feels uncertain. Maybe it's after a business idea didn't take off. A relationship ended. A promotion was missed. Or perhaps, you set a goal with all the determination in the world, only to fall short. In these moments, failure can feel like a full stop. But what if it’s just a comma?
If you're a woman navigating your 30s and beyond, chances are you’ve encountered setbacks that made you question your worth, your path, or even your purpose. You’re not alone—and you’re not without hope. This blog is for you. Let’s talk about failure, not as the end of your story, but as a vital chapter in your growth.
Redefining Failure: It’s Not the Opposite of Success
One of the biggest mindset shifts we can make is seeing failure not as the opposite of success but as part of the journey toward it. Failure simply means you tried—you stepped out, took a risk, invested in yourself or others—and it didn’t go as planned.
But that doesn’t mean you are a failure.
It means you’re human.
The truth is that failure is feedback. It’s not final. It’s formative. Every setback is a chance to gather wisdom, refine your vision, and build deeper resilience.
The Fear of Trying Again
Many women over 30 are hesitant to try again—not because they lack ideas or potential, but because they've experienced the sting of disappointment. You’ve worked hard. You’ve juggled responsibilities, shown up for others, and done your best. And yet... something didn’t work out.
That fear is real. It’s valid.
But here’s a truth to hold close: you can be afraid and still move forward. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s deciding that something else (growth, purpose, joy) matters more.
The Role of Resilience
Resilience is not about bouncing back to who you were before; it’s about growing stronger and wiser through the struggle. It’s about choosing to rise with grace, even when the weight of the past wants to pull you down.
Building resilience looks like:
Recognizing your strength — even when things didn’t go your way
Naming your pain without letting it define you
Allowing yourself to grieve lost dreams, then gently opening the door to new ones
Think of resilience as a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. And yes, you absolutely have it within you.
Why “Fake It Until You Make It” Doesn’t Always Work
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Fake it until you make it.” While confidence is important, there’s a danger in pretending you're fine when you’re hurting. It can disconnect you from your truth and create an unrealistic expectation that you must always “have it together.”
Instead of faking it, try “faithing” it.
Have faith in your ability to learn. To grow. To adapt. To rise.
That doesn’t require a mask—it requires honesty, humility, and a willingness to start again, even with shaky knees.
Acknowledge Your Emotions (All of Them)
Failure often brings shame, disappointment, frustration, even grief. And too often, women are taught to silence those feelings—to stay strong, stay positive, and push through. But denying your emotions doesn't make them disappear; it just makes them louder in the background.
Give yourself permission to feel:
Let the tears come if they need to
Write down your frustrations
Talk to someone safe who can hold space for your truth
Embracing your emotions is not a weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s what allows healing to begin.
The Power of Hope and Perseverance
Hope is not a naïve wish for things to magically improve. It’s a deeply rooted belief that no matter what happens, you will not stay stuck forever. Hope says, “There’s still a way forward—I just haven’t found it yet.”
Perseverance takes that hope and turns it into daily action. One choice at a time. One step at a time.
Here’s what perseverance looks like:
Applying for another job even after rejection
Returning to therapy after a setback
Starting a side project even when self-doubt whispers, “Who do you think you are?”
Each of these is a declaration: I haven’t given up on myself.
Practical Steps to Embrace Failure and Move Forward
If you’re ready to change your relationship with failure, here are some steps to help you shift your mindset and begin again:
1. Reflect Without Judgment
Ask yourself:
What did I learn from this experience?
What part of this is within my control?
What would I do differently next time?
This isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about uncovering insight.
2. Speak Kindly to Yourself
Replace internal criticism with compassion:
Instead of “I messed up again,” try “I’m learning, and that takes time.”
Instead of “I’m not cut out for this,” try “I’m growing stronger with every step.”
Your inner voice sets the tone for your recovery.
3. Surround Yourself with Safe People
Find a tribe that supports your healing, not your pretending. This might be a friend, mentor, coach, or counselor. Choose relationships where you can be real and be received with grace.
4. Celebrate Small Wins
Did you send the email? Set the boundary? Try again after hesitating?
That matters. Mark it. Name it. Celebrate the woman who’s doing the brave thing, no matter how small it may seem.
5. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Growth
Part of embracing failure is protecting the space where growth can happen. Say no when needed. Limit time with voices that drain or criticize. Guard your time, energy, and healing.
Faith in Your Innate Strength
You’ve been through hard things before. And you’re still here. That’s not a sign of failure—that’s a sign of strength. You carry within you a well of wisdom, courage, and determination that no setback can erase.
Trust that part of you.
Because when you embrace failure, you make room for new beginnings. You discover that you are not defined by your missteps, but by your ability to rise again and again.
Final Thoughts: This Isn’t the End—It’s the Beginning
To every woman reading this who feels afraid to try again, take heart. The path forward may not be clear, but it is yours. And you’re worthy.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to take the next step.
With resilience.
With hope.
With perseverance.
Your story isn’t over. It’s unfolding—beautifully, bravely, and on your terms.
